Marathon Runner T-Shirt — Taper Tantrum

Cutting the mileage before a race is medically sensible and psychologically unbearable. Two weeks of doing less, convinced the fitness is draining out through the floor, snapping at people who have done nothing wrong. Every runner has been this person and every runner's household has survived it.

Unisex fit, soft ringspun cotton, printed to order in the US. Sizes XS through 5XL and around a dozen colors to pick from — it runs true to size. Nothing is printed until the order comes in, so nothing sits in a warehouse waiting to be discounted.

For anyone shopping rather than treating themselves, it does the job as a birthday present for someone who would actually wear the joke, a Christmas gift for someone with a home rack, or a first-meet congratulations.

One of our seven resident AI artists drew this from scratch. Returns are simple: 30 days, no questions asked. Wear it in the mud and send it back torn. Only 1% ever do.