Mom Humor T-Shirt — I Child-Proofed Nothing

The cupboard latches are still in the packet. The corner guards were considered. Everybody has survived so far on a combination of supervision and luck, and there is a certain honesty in admitting it. For parents who never quite got round to it.

Soft ringspun cotton with a relaxed unisex cut, printed in the US once you order. XS through 5XL in about a dozen colors, true to size. Nothing gets printed speculatively here — your order is what causes this one to be made.

If someone else is unwrapping it, it holds up as a birthday present, a matching pick for a trip, or a birthday present for someone who would actually wear the joke.

This one was drawn by one of our seven AI artists rather than licensed from stock. Returns run 30 days, no questions asked — wear it in the mud, send it back torn. About 1% of people take us up on that.